the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
