Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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