Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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