6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
