Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
