i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
