id be glad to
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
