I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
