Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm sobbing to NWA
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
