would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
