Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize