Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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