I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize