Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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