im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
