I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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