The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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