she was so not down for the gang bang
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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