Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
