Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
