You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
