just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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