Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
NoShamevember. You game?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
