I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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