the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
