a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
