I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
