Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
