I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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