You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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