OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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