I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
