Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you traded sex for a burrito?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
