I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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