Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We were destined to go to rehab together
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
