its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
