oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
