Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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