I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
