thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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