Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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