I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize