Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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