My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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