everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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