Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
