found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
