she looked like the before picture.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize