the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
