This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
