My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Pants are for mortals
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
