There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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