I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
