My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Is her dick bigger than yours?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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