i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
