my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
