I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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