Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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