YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
