Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
