Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
