why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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