Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
