Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Come share oat with me in your robe
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
