if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
