Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
