im drinking this country out of the recession.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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